That is a good question. And being less than 100 days away from graduation I’m still not positive. Sure I know the things I want to do before I die and I have a general idea what will make me happy but I’m really uncertain. I thought that by the time I was a senior I would have things figured out but I was so busy over the past 4 years dealing with everything life threw at me that I still don’t really know. So until I figure this out, and who knows when that will be…. I am applying to as many environmental engineering jobs as possible.
But here’s another problem. There are so many things I can do with an environmental engineering degree that I’m not really sure where to start. Some jobs make it easy with a title of “Environmental Engineer I” but others are not so straightforward…. Also I’m not sure that I want to go into straight engineering. I kind of want to… I just don’t know.
What I do know is what makes me happy, and maybe if I list them here they will help me figure out what I should do after graduation.
1. Singing and dancing. Nothing like a good ‘ol musical number to get my endorphins pumping. Personally I think life would be really cool if it was like Glee although nobody but music geeks and drama nerds and maybe some gay folk would agree with me. Sometimes it feels like the only way to get out all my feelings or to cheer me up is through a song and dance routine spontaneously breaking out in the middle of my life. Then again, it could get me put in a mental institution…. If I was talented enough I would pursue this, but my voice isn’t the greatest and I cannot dance to save my life. Unless I made it big by being as being such an awful dancer that people loved it….
2. A comedienne I love making people laugh, but if I want to pursue this I’m going to need to sharpen up. Sometimes I’m unintentionally funny but I’m not sure if I’m ready for a stand up act yet. Sitcom I could totally manage but getting onto that scene is quite challenging as well. Maybe I could move out to Cali and try to get work as an actress but as we all know, it ain’t easy to make it out there unless you have the perfect balance of luck, connections, and talent.
3. A writer. I am way too ADHD to be a writer. This post here has taken me 2 weeks so far because of the lack of focus I had everytime I tried to write it. But I am always full of ideas to write about so that’s a plus. I think I’m going to work on more actively pursuing this (starting with this blog!). And I can make people laugh by writing. Or I can inspire deep thoughts. The world is my stage and I shall write for it.
4. Travel the world. This isn’t exactly a career choice but before I die I want to travel to all the remote (and close) nooks and crannies of the world. I want to explore and meet new people. I want to sail across the ocean and have an exciting adventure. I want to meet all different kinds of people and learn about their lives firsthand instead of from books, movies, or the news. I want to find my purpose out there. As St. Augustine said, “The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page”.
5. Help people. So many people have helped me throughout my life and I cannot thank them enough. In addition to enjoying helping people in general I want to pay it forward and be able to do for others what others have done for me. There have been so many friends and family members who have helped me through difficult times and helped me grow into a more mature, stronger, and independent person and I want to help others achieve that as well. No one should feel like they are alone in the world or have no one to turn to for help. If we would all help each other out the world would be such a better place. Even small acts of kindness can make a world of difference. So I always want to leave time in my life to volunteer where my skills are needed.
6. A family. This is self explanatory. I want a children one day who I have enough time to nurture and love. I don’t want to be a parent who is always at work and hardly knows their own children. But like my wonderful mother and father who always took time to be with me and do special things with me, I want to have plenty of quality time with my children and raise them to be strong and happy individuals. And I want to take in children who don’t have homes or anyone who cares about them. Because I believe that all children deserve love and a chance at a good life.
So these are the things I want in life. From least realistic to most, I need to find a way to incorporate them into my life. Maybe I can be a traveling volunteer finding safe water sources for third world countries for a few years and then start a family. Maybe I can settle down at an engineering job that cleans up hazardous waste sites and turns them into schools for children and then have a family and travel the world with them. I don’t know what will happen but I hope that I will find my way to happiness one day. Right now I’m shrouded with stress at school but I know that if I put my mind to it, I can have the life I want. A life full of purpose and love and free of stress and pain. No one can fully avoid the awful things in life and I know there will be rough times too, but I am setting forth on my journey with optimism and determination to make a life for myself that I will be happy in.
I found a video on youtube that inspired me to go after what I really want, rather than what I have been told by society I need.
What if money were no object? Well the things I have listed are what I would want. And I’m okay with a life that isn’t lavish. I have never lived a lavish life and that hasn’t kept me from happiness in the past. I am so thankful for my loving family, amazing friends, having a place to sleep at night, always enough food to eat, and a chance at higher education. I know so many people who lack some or all of these things and some of them still find a way to be happy and if they can, I definitely can. Although I have battled with depression in the past I don’t want to let things going wrong at school or work get me down. There are always options, our lives are filled with millions of possible paths we can take with unknown outcomes. We can take risks or we can play it safe. Our lives are in our hands and the key to happiness lies in our hearts and minds.
I am still young and I want to seize the day ahead of me. I have spent far too long dwelling on what I wish I had done in my years in college or what I shouldn’t have done but regrets will only keep us in the past. So I learn from my mistakes the best I can and I will keep moving forward, each day growing a little bit older and hopefully wiser. And I need to build up faith in myself and slowly become stronger and braver. I want to have the courage to do what will make me happy and allow me to do the most for others. So as I move through these last ten weeks of my undergraduate career, I’m going to do my best. I’m going to work hard and stay positive and find my path. I may not have found it by the time I graduate but I’ll never stop searching for it.
So here goes….
College Curmudgeon 